Tonight on Fandom's ThreatDown: BEARS!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

On Saturday, April 12th, Fandom will be experiencing a good old-fashioned medium damn event in the fine tradition of Jello Dragons and... I could swear I did at least one other of these one-day bits of insanity on the island, but it's late, so let's just pretend I listed something else that worked out well. Anyway, in the fine tradition of those things, there's going to be a brief, one-day only medium damn event on Saturday, April 12th. Yes, I am writing this post at 1 AM. Can you tell?

The invading forces this time? BEARS. More specifically, BEARS WITH WEAPONS. That's right, the administrators have granted me my constitutional right to arm bears and there will be a fight in the park because of it. Ninja swords, laser guns, a big axe, the bears can and will use whatever they can get their paws on and use in spite of their lack of thumbs. They will be evil bears with an evil plot and a desire to cause mayhem, and as such it will only be right to punch them until they fall over.

There will be a signup post when we're about a week away from April 12th if you'd like to volunteer to play bear soldiers against Fandom's fighting forces, so if you're up for enabling the crack, please keep the date in mind. There may also be an informational post with more detail around that time, but "BEARS. WITH WEAPONS" is probably going to be the most detail we're going to need for the most part.

If you have any questions at this plot at this point, I'll be happy to answer them.

This plot has been brought to you in part by the best running gag in Semi-Pro, a movie that is completely worth matinée price for the bear.

Comments

[solo_sword]

You hear that? BEARS.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Will Ferrell movies love their bear jokes. Which is a large part of the reason why I like Will Ferrell movies, I think.

[the_merriest]

:O

:O :O :O



I ... I think I love you.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Just remember, bears don't love anyone. They KILL EVERYONE. WITH LASERS.

[the_merriest]

Then I shall do my country and Stephen Colbert proud, sir, and punch those bears right in the face.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Excellent. The current world record for taking down a bear is held by 10 Year Old Batman (http://the-isb.blogspot.com/2006/04/friday-night-bear-fights.html). Train hard and maybe you'll do as well as him.

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

BEARS!!!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

WITH LASERS.

[dark_slippy_thing]

But will there be storytime involving any of them? Will any be wearing berets? I would like to offer cheese to one as a peace offering. Will it be acceptable?

INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Nope! While a crack squad of bear green berets would indeed be COMPLETELY AWESOME, these bears shall have no military training. Just evil training. As such, they will instinctively know how to use weapons. And any peace offerings will end in laser holes in your body. Because they're evil.

[needsaparrot]

Bare bears?

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Some may wear ammo belts, which would make them approximately as clothed as Chewbacca.

But, basically, yes. They will be naked. Except for the metaphorical PANTS OF EVIL they will all be wearing.

I know that pants of evil is not, technically, a metaphor. But it's 2 AM and it amuses me.

[needsaparrot]

It's 3 AM, freaky Central Time person who I will never again be in the same timezone as because Indiana finally got a clue and bought into DST instead of switching back and forth between Ohio and Illinois time.

Naked bears in metaphorical (presumably leather) evil pants yay!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

... Indiana finally switched over? OMG. I swear that a bear just heard about that and fainted.

That said, I'm sorry to see that you're now in the inferior time zone full-time. We in the good time zone will miss you!

[needsaparrot]

Yup. The part that's next to you (where I grew up) stuck with your time, and was always on DST. But most of the state switched over to the inferior timezone Eastern with DST as of last April.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Being in Chicago itself, I don't hear anything about Indiana unless it involves college basketball, Notre Dame football, or fireworks, so while I'm flabbergasted - yes, FLABBERGASTED - that this happened a year ago without my knowledge, I probably shouldn't be.

I only hope that Arizona didn't change when I wasn't looking, too.

[blackmagic-eve.livejournal.com]

Damn states, changing things when we're not looking! *shakes fist* (And comment-hijacking, whee!)

Now excuse me while I do the dance of "Eee, someone else who lives in my state!"

[morpherboy.livejournal.com]

...I FEAR you.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Don't fear me. FEAR THE BEARS. THEY HAVE LASERS.

[blackmagic-eve.livejournal.com]

If they're evil bears, then it's entirely possible that they have opposable thumbs. Maybe the opposable thumbs are what MAKES them evil.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

A reason for their evilness will be revealed and it won't be thumb-related.

Granted, the reason will essentially boil down to "because," but there will be some window dressing based on the history of the game itself!

That said, I would believe that the bears could be using MECHANICAL thumbs. Because, really, what's going to be more terrifying if you're cornered: a bear, or a bear with ROBOT THUMBS? I know which one I'd rather face.

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

OMG BEARS.

[neurotic-witch.livejournal.com]

That's right, the administrators have granted me my constitutional right to arm bears

*groans at pun*

*giggles at mental images*

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

I've somehow managed to not use that pun in reference to this plot until this post. E-mails bouncing the idea around, the plot proposal, NOWHERE did that pun ever even occur to me. I don't know if I'm disappointed in myself for not coming up with it sooner or if I should just be glad that my innate sense of timing as it applies to puns brought it out when it counted.

[blessed_twice]

It was a hairy bear, it was a scary bear, we beat a hasty retreat from its lair?

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

While that would be reasonable most of the time, this time we'll punch it there. In its face. Which doesn't rhyme and thus couldn't be part of the first sentence.

[blessed_twice]

To be fair, the actual next line didn't rhyme, either. ;)

"And described it with adjectives." Schoolhouse Rock!

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

It's been far too long since I've had Schoolhouse Rock in my life. I have no other excuse for not recognizing that.

*hangs head in shame*

[redintraining.livejournal.com]

}:)

[sound-loyalty.livejournal.com]

Awesome. BWAHAHAHA. So the bare bears bear arms? Sweeeeet.

[time-flyer-5.livejournal.com]

BEARS. WITH LASERS.